Peer Review-Food Culture Essay
The initial sentence on Mansours essay is not very catchy and it does not get the attention of the readership in the manner that it should. Plainly stating that you have been having three meals in a day and you took that for granted is not an attention getter. This is not in relation to the message or content of the sentence, but rather the manner in which it is framed. Perhaps a better option would have been to put the sentence in a question form.
For example: You wake up every day, have breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in between; but do you ever stop to think about the importance of food? Is it just given, a normal, ordinary thing like breathing? Or is it something of essence to human life? Ooh! Remember breathing is not given or assured, people die! This would have been a better way to re-frame your first sentence, because it challenges the reader by posing questions that s/he would like to continue reading in order to get answers (Borich & Kubiszyn, 47).
The content of your paper is well thought off and structured. However, there is something essential that you missed and that is the subject matter of the essay on food culture. Just as the name suggests you were supposed to highlight food in relation to culture. There are various cultures in the world, where some regard food highly whereas; others do not.
For example in some cultures it is regarded as ill manners to refuse food offered to you as a visitor, and even if you are full you have to at least taste or peck on it. In other cultures anyone visiting a person has to take some food to his/her host as a sign of gratitude, and in others it taboo to eat some type of foods depending on gender or age. Food culture may also include eating habits and mannerism. These are examples of how culture defines food and in turn food defines culture. You missed the point, but at least managed to about hunger and food in the world in a comprehensive and detailed manner.
I was able to follow through your narration clearly as you related hunger and food to your life and personal experience and thereafter; took it to a global scale and back home in America through the use of elaborate statistics. Unfortunately, I was unable to relate your cultural identity which you did not mention, to food. But I think this is because you missed the point on the subject matter. However, the details throughout the paper on how you were able to overcome hunger for three days while surviving on water are interesting and emotive.
You narrated your work well and related your personal experience to the world situation through a vivid description of the hunger situation using elaborate statistical details. The transition of your points on hunger from a personal experience to a world perspective and back to the local level is smooth and well connected. Actually your paper is very emotive and it manages to draw intense and strong feelings of emotions having a mixture of pity, anger and regret to know that there is a large number of people going without food whereas; others are wasteful and careless with food.
The narration of your personal experience of a three day hunger and the kind of feelings you had as well as the grim statistical evidence on hunger help in bringing out strong emotions that are elicited by thoughts of hungering people. Your work is actually well transitioned from point to point and that is good narration flow. You were also able to elicit strong emotions and pass the point quite clearly through use of examples and proof through figures and statistics.
However, there are a few things that you need to observe, firstly; always stick to the subject matter which in this case was writing about food in relation to culture (Borich & Kubiszyn, 61). Secondly, create appropriate examples on the subject matter and finally check you spellings, grammar and sentence structure, because I have observed a weakness with regard to that. But for these, your writing was average.
Borich, D. G. and Kubiszyn, T. Educational testing and measurement: classroom application and practice, 7th edition, J. Wiley & Sons, Incorporation, 2003, print
James Peter is the author and is associated with meldaresearch.com which is a global custom thesis writing provider. If you would like help in essays, research papers, term papers and dissertations, you can visit BestEssaySite.Com